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Spoiler Free! Uh…I think…
Pretty much just random 'ol thoughts- don't expect anything well written or factual
Hello Fuckers, I am not done playing RE1. But I'm almost there. I was playing the game a second ago, but I died. Do you want to know why I died? I died because I was laughing so hard I couldn't concentrate when the tyrant came at me…
And why was I laughing? Because Chris called Wesker…SENILE. "Wesker, you've become senile!" How old is Wesker? Mid to late 20ish? HE'S NOT SENILE YOU FUCKNUT, JUST INSANE! So you should say, "Wesker, you're becoming INSANE!" But that would be wrong too. He was insane to begin with.
Now let's get down to the review, shall we?
The graphics gave me an eye orgasm! How can I begin to describe them? I'm too lazy to describe anything, they're just good- take my word for it.
 I was surprised plenty of times…I don't want to spoil it! But…when you see it- you are going to jump right out of your fucking seat- I know I did! In fact, you must have balls of steel if you were honestly not spooked by some of the scenes and surprises the game had- balls of fucking STEEL. That or you're such a hardcore gamer and you've played all the survival horror games so many times that you can predict every time something is about to pop out and shock you or what the new creepy environment will look like. In which case- You DO NOT have balls of steel…Do you…even have balls at all? NO, those little things are NOT balls ya looser.
AND it stayed consistent to the original game so fans of the original wont have anything to bitch and moan about. But some of them may say, "WAAAAAH, the improved graphics are an insult to the original game, whine whine bitch nag!" You know the type- the one's who can't stop bitching. Most of the files were still the same as they were in the first game and the mansion's rooms hadn't changed so much that they were unrecognizable. But that doesn't mean the games laid out exactly like the original. There are rooms and areas not available for exploring in the original as well as new puzzles along with the old ones.
And the biggest plus of all- CORNYNESS. Yes, the voice acting has improved but seeing Chris give Rebecca a thumbs up (twice, even) is a 10 out of 10 on my internal corny meter. Dialog exchanged is usually awkward, and as such, hilarious! Yay! One spoiler about the dialog- outburst. Outburst with cursing--- that couldn't be less full of conviction, it's just wimpy! HAHAHAHA…So yes, corny dialog is a plus for me because I likes my horror with a little humor…or I like humor with a little horror in it, or horror with a little humor in it…oh FUCK IT….
LATERS, after I beat the game
Result: 12: 37: 24- ACK!!!
YAHOO, new costume!
I beat the game without ever finding the damned mother-fucking magnum! Where the shit was it? I had 36 bullets left at the end of the game and no god damned magnum. In fact, I had tons of ammo and herbs leftover afterwards… Was I playing on easy mode? Can't tell because when you first play it doesn't fucking tell you (blatantly) if it's easy or hard mode. I saved the game 23 times! Because I've only been playing a little bit at a time for the past couple of weeks, or has it been longer? I wanted to savor the game and make it last longer 'cause gamecube games are EXPENSIVE and I'm not going to be paying for no new game no time soon. Welp…I still have Jill's scenario and her costume change, etc. GRR, you know what's gayness….the ending credits, IT SHOWS EVENTS FROM JILL'S SCENARIO! Fucknuts! I hates spoilers! But I did like the ending to this game. No stupid, "We have to Stop Umbrella, I'm gay, shihrioeheod!" I never want to hear that bullshit again! Well…off I go to get some waters….
OOOOOH YEH, and one more thing....who noticed the mother fucking shameless gamecube plug in THE GAME ITSELF?!
Take a look for yourself if you don't believe me...
This is the website I got the re1 screenshots from, bad me! I stole them!
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