This is my online parody of Resident Evil 2 and 3's stalking villans. Don't they make a beautiful couple? Have fun.
I'll update it if people like it enough. People no like? No update. Bah.
THIS man!
WELL?
He's... he...
Why are you stammering, huh? BITCH! Your guilty! You fuck him! Don't you? You stay out late give him HEAD! While I'm at home wishing my husband were
on his knees in front of me, giving ME head!
I see you don't trust me. I'll leave now…
You going to HIM again?
Tell me you trust me…
NEVER!
Well what about those names you mumble about in your sleep?!
WHAT?!
Your beloved... "S.T.A.R.S". Sometimes, you even say it when we make love!!
I'M OVER THAT NOW! HOW DARE YOU RUB IT IN MY FACE- YOU FUCKER!!!
And you tentacle porn fetish, remember when you almost killed me, wrapping those evil things around me like a noose!?
GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! LEAVE BEFORE I BLOW YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF WITH THIS ROCKET LAUNCHER!!!
I'll just come back when you calm down... goodbye, my nemmy.
What do I need him for? Huh?
The house needs cleaning… I have lots of shit to do.
Yep. I'm not lonely. No, I'm not.
I'm so busy I don't know what to do.
…
I'm horny…
I MISS YOU, YOU CHEATING LYING FUCK! *sob*
Is Mr.X cheating on his husband, Nemmy? Is Carlos being brutally raped by him in the late of night? Will Nemmy and his beloved make up? Or will this end in bloody divorce?
Tune in next time!
October 5, 2003/ 1:49AM: Part Two has been added! Almost a year later...
Nemmy, I'm home! Yet again! And I'd like you to meet someone!
Hola!
ACK! You bought HIM! You South American fruit picker! I'll deport you faster than--
Eh...uh...Lo Siento Senior, yo no hablo ingles!
WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY MAMA!!!
I didn't say anything about your--
A-HA! So you DO speak English!
Look! I was just giving Mr. X Spanish lessons!
Spanish Lessons?
Yeh, he told me it turned you on.
MR.X!!!
Heh heh...Well, you KNOW it's true...
Oh, baby, that's so romantic of you!
I know!
Oh, speak some spanish to me!
¿Donde esta el bano?
Oh! MORE!
¿Qual es tu telephono?
My numerous penises are getting hard!
¿Cuantos anos tiene?
Stop! I can't take it anymore! Take that coat off, we're fucking right here right now!
I-I think I'll be *gulp* going...
WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?!?!
Well, I...
You ARE going to join us, aren't you?
NEMMY! Were you not PISSED at me when you thought I was having an affair with him!
Well, it turns out, me and him had been fucking the whole time and I thought he was playing us!
WAAAA?!
I really should go...
Don't be ridiculous, speak Spanish.
But---
*loads rocket launcher* SPEAK! Tell me you want me!
Yo..yo quiero tu...
MEAN IT!
Yo quiero tu!!! Le deseo!!!
That's it, now take off your clothes...
BUT!
Say you like to strip for me!!!
T-tengo gusto de pelar para usted!
That's it! Oh, now suck one of my tentacles!
NEMMY! This is getting out of hand!!!... I want some of the action!
AAAAAAUUUUGH!!! HELP!!!
In SPANISH!
¡AAAAAUUUUGH! ¡AYUDA ME!!!!
Is Carlos to be gang raped? Was he really involved with Nemmy beforehand? Does Mr. X really not care? Am I really going to continue this? Tune in next time!
January 22, 2003/ 10:01AM: And yet there is more, enjoy. I should be sleeping...
Mmm…I can't wait to dive into his tight body!
Me first!
HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!
ENTERS JILL, with her mouth wide open, READY FOR BUISSNESS (if you know what I mean)
You! I thought I kilt you after I shot the Helicopter…
Well guess again, bitch! I'm here to rescue the Méxican!
I'm not Mexican- I'm of unknown South American decent…
That's what I said, the Méxican!
AUGH! Why don't you two rape the BITCH instead?
Ha! I read her files in the police station, she fucked every man in the R.P.D
Who wants a loose Pussy when we can sodomize your tight, virgin ass!
How do you know she hasn't been fucked up the ass?!
HAHAHAHAHAA!! My ass is looser than my pussy!
(feigns vomit) I gotta get outta here! (tries to get away)
Wait! I came all the way to get you 'cause I like brown meat! And I hear Mexicans have big dicks!
I'm SOUTH AMERICAN!
Them too…mm…c'mer chica bonita…
Chica means GIRL!
(giggles) I think I'd KNOW something about Spanish! Unlike YOU!
(Wacks Jill on the back of the head)
(passes out)
Good job, honey!
I know dear!
Ow, that hurt!
AUGH! Why won't you DIE?! (loads rocket launcher)
(giggle) That'll only knock me down to caution mode!
Watch where you point that! One hit and I'm dead!
Hold on, wait a sec. How can the rocket launcher kill a monster like Mr. X with one shot, but not Jill- whose merely human?
(points rocket launcher at Carlos) Who said you could speak in English!!!
(sigh) Sostenga encendido! ¿Cómo puede el lanzador del cohete matar a un monstruo como Mr. X con un tiro, pero no Jill- que es simplemente humano?
Don't think I can't understand you! I'm not a slut!
I didn't say-oh what's the use?
(lifts Jill up and chokes her, then throws her down)
(cough cough) MMM...I LOVE it when you play DIRTY with me! Mmm! *spreads her legs*
SICK, get this spore out of my nice clean house! (sprays the floor where her ass landed with lysol) She's getting crabs everywhere!
I have SYPHILLIS AND HERPES, TOO!
Jill's Diseased Vagina
If you had a choice between getting the JILL virus or the G Virus...G Virus, PLEASE!
AUGH! And to think of how close I came to tapping that ass!
(throws her out the door and locks it) GOOD RIDANCE!!!
Aw, Fuck! I can pick locks but I need a key to get in. *stalks away*
(gulp)
Mmmm.... So, where were we?
Nothing can save me now...
CAN anyone save POOR Carlos? FUCK YOU, we'll find out on the next shocking and hardcore installment of I LOVE NEMMY!!!!
<<< Back to Man in Uniform
He'll NEVER recognize me in this costume, ho ho! Shit, here he comes, I'd better hide...
Hey Mr. X, it's a nice night to terrorize.